My little brother is in Russia for two years. The only Russian word I know is Slon, which means Elephant. Every week when I write him I send him some Elephant jokes. I usually send 2 or 3.
I find the jokes on various websites, but only send him my favorites from each site.
If you have a family-friendly elephant joke you think I should hear, let me know in the comments and if it’s good, I’ll add it to the page!
If you don’t laugh at these jokes, you’re probably normal. Most elephant jokes aren’t very funny.
I’ll keep updating this page until he comes home in 2015 or until I run out of jokes.
The Best Elephant Jokes
Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph
Q: How do you get an elephant up a tree?
A: Plant an acorn. Have the elephant stand on top of where you planted it. Wait 50 years.
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: “Look, a herd of elephants in the distance”
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them.
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: “Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!”
Q. What is big, grey and has a lot of red bumps?
A. An elephant that was stung by a lot of bees!
Q. Why couldn’t the two elephants go swimming together?
A. Because they only had one pair of trunks!
Q. How do you know an elephant is under your blanket?
A. Because when you get in your bed your nose touches the ceiling.
Q. What do you get when an elephant sky dives?
A. A big hole.
Q. What’s big and grey with horns?
A. An elephant marching band!
Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A. To stomp out forest fires.
Q. Why do elephants have large feet?
A. To stomp out flaming ducks!
Q. Why doesn’t the elephant use the computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!
Q. There were two elephants under one umbrella, why didn’t they get wet?
A. It wasn’t raining.
Q: Why do elephants need trunks?
A: Because they don’t have glove compartments.
Q: Why don’t more elephants go to college?
A: Not too many elephants finish high school. :-(
Q: What do you call elephants who ride on trains?
Q: What does a bald elephant wear for a toupee?
A: A sheep.
Q: Where do baby elephants come from?
A: BIG storks.
Q. Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?
A. Because he doesn’t have thumbs to ring the bell.
Q. How do you stop an elephant from smelling?
A. Tie a knot in his trunk.
Q. What’s the same size and shape as an elephant but weighs nothing?
A. An elephant’s shadow.
Q: How is an elephant like an apricot?
A: They are both gray. Well, except the apricot.
Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
A: Open door; Remove elephant; Insert giraffe; Close door.
Q: What’s the difference between a dozen eggs and an elephant?
A: If you don’t know, I’m sure not going to send you to the store for a dozen eggs!
Q: How do you prevent an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.
Q: How do you stop an elephant from smelling?
A: Tie a knot in his trunk
Q: What is big, green, hangs in a tree and has a trunk?
A: An unripe elephant.
Q: How do you eat and elephant?
A: One bite at a time
Q. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.
Q. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It was stapled to the first elephant.
Q. Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A. Peer pressure.
Q. Why did the tree fall down?
A. It thought it was an elephant.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a fish?
A: Swimming Trunks!
Q: What is large, grey, and wears glass slippers?
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Glove compartments aren’t nearly so stylish.
Q. How can you tell that elephants always ready for an adventure?
A. They’ve always got their trunks ready to go.
Q. What do you call en elephant with an extra long nose?
Q. What’s green, wrinkly and has a long nose?
A. An elephant. I lied about the green part.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Great big holes all over Australia.
Two elephants – Harry & Faye
Couldn’t kiss with their trunks in the way
So they boarded a plane
They’re now kissing in Maine
Cause their trunks got sent to L.A.
Hickory Dickory Dock,
An elephant ran up the clock,
The clock is being repaired.
Q: If you took away an elephants trunk how would it smell?
A: Trunk or no trunk it would still smell pretty bad!
Q: What weighs 5,000 lbs and wears glass slippers?
Q. Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A. So they can hide in a strawberry patch.
Q. Why do elephants hide in strawberry patches?
A. So they can jump out and stomp on people.
Q. Why do elephants stomp on people?
A. That is how they play squash.
Q: How do you get two elephants in a pickup truck?
A: One in the cab, one in the back.
Q: How do you get two mice in a pickup truck?
A: You can’t … it’s full of elephants.
Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.
Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant, Deadant, Deadant! (sung to Pink Panther tune).
Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stomped on it and then said ‘Deadant, Deadant, Deadant!’.
One of my favorite videos!